Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
