...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
