the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
