how do flat chested girls get laid?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
