I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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