Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
