do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's always time for handjobs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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