Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
