Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
