I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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