my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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