i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
