ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
