im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think a kid would responsible me up
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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