guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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