You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
