i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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