Yo dont text me then not text me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
