wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
