dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Houston, we have a blender
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
