some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
