Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love having hate sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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