Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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