You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
