I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
