New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
