how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
