Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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