We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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