Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
