plz talk dirty to me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
