just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
