she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
