I got chris browned last night
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
