he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Acid is not a monday night drug
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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