Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
