Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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