hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
