remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
