Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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