Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
