Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
