ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
