when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
