I'm eating all of the evidence.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
