please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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