They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
