If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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