I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
