I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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