it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
