don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
