Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
