I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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