Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
worst night to have a conscience
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
