My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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