I wanna bring you to show and tell
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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