Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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