You smell like stripper and shame
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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