fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
