We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
